How To Better Talk To Your Parents About Their Estate Plan

Estate planning is an emotionally charged topic. It is so much more than wills, legal documents, and paper trails. It forces us to plan for a future that we won’t see. This reality causes a harsh glare on many, leaving this important process in the background, often until it is too late. 

It is always hard to watch a loved one grow older, but that difficulty can’t lead to a blindspot in communication and support of them throughout this process. Talking to your parents about their estate plan may be a difficult set of conversations, but when approached with grace, care, and support, you all will establish trust and honesty in your relationship. 

Today, we are going to talk about a few things to keep in mind as you approach the topic of estate planning with your parents.

1. Tap into compassion

One of the reasons it is so difficult to talk to parents about their estate plan is the changing dynamics of the situation. While you are grown and have established your own life as an adult, it is important to remember that you are still their kid. 

This parent-child dynamic has often been the parents taking the reigns in giving advice and helping their child, not the other way around. Some people may have a more difficult time with this change than others, making compassion and empathy big components for you to keep in mind. 

You can remind them that planning when times are good to prepare for when they aren’t can reduce stress and create a better sense of calm for what the future holds. 

2. Show don’t tell

One of the first things you learn about writing stories is to show, not tell. Let’s take a look at an example. 

#1: Jane was nervous

#2: Her fingers twitched when he approached and beads of sweat pooled in her palm. 

Both of these sentences convey that Jane is uneasy, but the second one paints a more interesting picture. It also gives the reader the opportunity to know Jane better, making them more invested in her as a character. This same principle can be applied to your conversation with your parents. 

If you know your parents are struggling with debt in retirement, for example, instead of approaching this concern from a judgmental place, consider using yourself as an example to illustrate the point. Take this opportunity to open up and tell them how your own debt-repayment strategy has been tough but allowed you to do so many new things in life. 

The same idea can be said for a particular element of their estate plan. Maybe your parents are putting off creating a will. Instead of scolding them for this, consider talking to them about your own experience creating your will. Perhaps, it got you thinking of your life and legacy in a new way that could inspire them. 

Don’t come from a place of judgment. Instead, use your own experience as a starting point to help guide you through the conversation.

3. Honesty is the best policy

Sometimes cliches are there for a reason, and this one certainly is. When talking about estate plans with your parents, honesty really is the best policy. When you are honest about your questions or concerns, you will be better able to have a real conversation with them and help eliminate confusion and carve a path forward. 

If you are concerned, it is important that you voice that concern. Be honest with yourself and also your parents. This will help establish a practice of honesty in financial matters which can strengthen your relationship. 

4. Establish and respect boundaries

Boundaries are a healthy part of your personal and financial life. There may be topics and situations that aren’t appropriate for you to voice your opinion on and vise versa for your parents, especially where estate planning is concerned. 

Be sure that you know your own and respect your parent’s boundaries throughout this process. You don’t need to push your worry, concern, or opinions on them. The most important thing is being there for them and giving them the support that they need. 

5. Take it slow

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither will your parent’s estate plan. This is a complex process that takes time to get right. You probably won’t be able to figure everything out in one conversation so don’t try to. 

Take this process one step at a time and give yourself and your parents the time and space to complete each step. By having these conversations in bite-sized pieces, talking about finances will become more natural. 

It might feel awkward at first, but with time and practice, it may become a regular part of your family dynamic. This can establish a pattern of long-term, healthy conversations about money and can help you and your parents feel more open and comfortable talking to the other about finances.

Now that you have established that level of honesty and trust, you both will be able to make the most of your conversations. This can help avoid missing something or burning out. 

The bottom line

Creating an estate plan is hard. But having to talk about that plan with your loved ones might be even harder. Talking about financial matters with family may not be easy, but it is important for healthy relationships and smooth transitions. 

When you approach a difficult conversation with compassion, clarity, and honesty, you will be better able to have a productive, healthy outcome. These conversations with your parents may help them think about their estate plan and legacy in a new way. Remember, these conversations take time and a demonstrated history of trust and care to go well. 

Here at Legacy Wealth, we are passionate about helping families live their legacy. Interested in learning more? Schedule a 15-minute call with us. We can’t wait to hear from you. 

Advisory services are offered through Legacy Wealth Advisors, LLC dba Legacy Wealth Advisors, an Investment Advisor in the State of Michigan. The information contained herein should in no way be construed or interpreted as a solicitation to sell or offer to sell advisory services to any residents of any State other than the State of Michigan or where otherwise legally permitted.

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