How To Best Prepare To Care For An Aging Parent

Caring for an older relative or loved one is a nuanced process that requires the right combination of grace, candor, and preparation. Everything from financial to emotional to health responsibilities may change, and each of these changes can bring about their own sets of challenges and opportunities. 

While there may always be a dose of uncertainty as your family undergoes these changes, it’s important to do your best to prepare for what’s to come. Let’s look at a brief guide, which will provide you with some tools and resources to get started. 

Embrace Conversations Early and Often

Broaching the topic of caring for your aging parent is likely more stressful than when you tiptoed into the house four hours past curfew, but these are valuable and pragmatic conversations to have. Avoiding tough conversations will only bring more hardship later on. 

Plan when times are good to bring more stability and clarity when something goes wrong. You’ll hear us echo this phrase quite often throughout this article because of its utmost value. 

Let’s take a look at a few tips to have healthier, more productive conversations with your loved ones about their care.

Schedule a time in advance. Bombarding someone at a family dinner isn’t likely the best approach. Give both your loved ones, you, and/or any siblings time to prepare. 

Tackle one topic at a time. Creating a plan will take more time than afternoon tea, so consider spreading these talks out. Discuss their plans and wishes, finances, responsibilities, and expectations.

Create an agenda. Conversations about care can take many twists and turns since there is so much ground to cover. Write your questions out in advance, so you can remain on track and ensure you get adequate answers to your questions. Encourage your loved ones to ask questions too—these conversations are always two-way streets.  

Do more listening. You can ask some questions but really listen to your loved one’s wishes. By actively listening, you establish a foundation of respect. 

Speak openly and honestly. Now isn’t the time for veiled euphemisms. You and your loved ones must communicate directly and clearly to create a plan that actually works for both of you. 

Understand your loved one’s goals. This comes from listening to them and doing what you can to help further their vision. Remember, it’s not necessarily about what you want, but how you can support your loved one.

Set-up a family meeting with their advisor. Sometimes conversations about estates and long-term care can be muddled with numbers and legal jargon. This is where an advisor could come in. Your loved one’s advisor can help shed light on the current plan and help facilitate these talks. Many people find a benefit to a third-party professional in the room.

Planning for care involves several moving parts and taking these topics one step at a time will help you and your loved ones build a plan that works for everyone involved. The earlier you can have these conversations, the better because you’ll be able to work out kinks in the plan and truly understand what your loved one needs, instead of figuring it out as you go along.

Assess Your Loved One’s Needs (And Revise When Necessary)

Care encompasses many elements from doctor’s appointments to daily needs to living arrangements to emotional shifts to financial requirements and more. Before you get too overwhelmed, start with the most important thing—determining your loved one’s priorities. You’ll need to discover the following. 

Where do they want to live? Do they want to stay in their house, move in with you/a sibling, or look into a retirement home?

How will the care be paid for? What retirement assets can be used? Do they have long-term care insurance? Will you be responsible for any portion of their care?

Who will help execute the plan? Have you created a team of professionals? How will you/your family divide responsibilities?

This list will be different for everyone but should include the following categories: 

-Home maintenance/set-up (necessary improvements, moving, etc.)

-Medical needs (doctor’s appointments, medication, PT, etc.)

-Personal needs (communication, etc.)

-Financial needs (assets/investments, insurance, estate plan, trusts, etc.)

Again, it’s critical to take this process step by step and also remember that these priorities can shift as you continue through the process. In the beginning, your loved one may wish to remain in their home, but the constant maintenance and lack of socialization might cause them to reconsider their living arrangements. This is just one example of change and is something you should account for in your planning journey. 

Form a Team You All Trust

As the adage goes—teamwork makes the dream work. Caring for an aging relative is certainly no exception to the rule. A strong team can help you build, maintain, and execute a plan that works. Our advice? Create three teams:

#1: Personal team (family, friends, community members to help with daily tasks, moral support, etc.)

#2: Medical team (primary care doctor, specialist, caregiver, etc.)

#3: Financial team (financial planner, tax professional, and estate planning attorney).

The right team can help you and your family create a conscious and coordinated plan. Even though you may want to take on the responsibility alone, it’s always best if you have a trusted team to help with the daily tasks. This might be your spouse, children, siblings, or other relatives. 

You might also bring in a caregiver a couple of afternoons per week to help. It all depends on what your loved ones need and the time you have to dedicate to the process. If both you and your spouse are working full time, adding caregiving to your plate could be too much. Discuss options and make a plan that works for everyone. Stretching yourself too thin won’t be good for you or your loved ones. Be sure to maximize outside resources. 

When it comes to your loved one’s finances, their financial advisor, estate planning attorney, and CPA are the critical trinity. 

These professionals should have coordinated conversations to help create a robust and stable plan. You might set up a meeting, so all three of these professionals are on the same page with regards to your loved one’s wishes.

It’s far easier to build a reliable plan when all three of these professionals work toward a shared goal. That’s one of the most lucrative benefits we provide our clients—a coordinated and seamless financial experience. We offer an in-house financial advisor, estate planning attorney, and CPA, so you can have confidence that each professional knows you and your goals and is working to help you achieve them. 

Put The Plan In Motion

Once you have a plan, start at the top and work your way down. The plan doesn’t have to be completed in a day but chip away at it with your family so you can all find confidence and comfort knowing that your loved one is taken care of. 

One week, you might set up an appointment to update their will, the next week it’s interviewing part-time caregivers, etc. Remember, the plan will always need revisions and updates as things change, but it’s a whole lot simpler to revise something rather than starting from scratch. Understanding your loved one’s goals, values, and priorities will help you all make the best choices moving forward.

At Legacy Wealth, we love serving families just like you. Our family-focused approach gives us unique tools and resources to help you navigate a successful financial future for you and your family. No matter where you are in your caregiving journey, we would love to help you. Schedule a 15-minute call with us today to learn more.

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